sunsets and piano keys
lights bleeding through tree leaves
bare feet, hair down
currents in the river,
up and over and under.
slight breeze.
brief kiss.
weak knees.
quiet town,
with no one else around.
orange to dusty blue to black,
with clouds under you and
nothing but sky above.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
wish for rain
we are flowers growing in a garden
reaching for the sun
but stuck in the dirt.
wishing for rain
on hot summer days
our petals fade and shrivel,
we curl into ourselves.
will we ever reach the sun?
reaching for the sun
but stuck in the dirt.
wishing for rain
on hot summer days
our petals fade and shrivel,
we curl into ourselves.
will we ever reach the sun?
for you!
with everything i can hold in my hands
and everything i hold in my heart,
& the light that shines from your eyes,
i knew from the start.
and with the tips of my fingers
on the top of your head,
and my feet planted firmly in this soil,
i know
and you do too,
that i would do anything,
anything,
anything!
for you.
and everything i hold in my heart,
& the light that shines from your eyes,
i knew from the start.
and with the tips of my fingers
on the top of your head,
and my feet planted firmly in this soil,
i know
and you do too,
that i would do anything,
anything,
anything!
for you.
sheets of paper
my future is made out of blank sheets of paper.
in my right hand, i hold a pen.
with my blank ink, i write out my own future.
and i draw beautiful images,
dreams in vivid color,
with the hope that maybe, some day, the images will jump off the paper
and into reality.
and my words, written carefully on the white sheets,
are only words, perhaps, for now.
but if i write these words enough times,
over and
over and
over again,
maybe they too will jump off the page.
but who's to know?
everyone in the world has a pen
and they too draw on your white pages.
sometimes they come and white-out your words,
with or without your permission,
and there's nothing you can do about it,
except maybe re-write it all.
sometimes a gust of wind will sweep your papers up and carry them far away.
you can chase them.
or you can watch them float in the air until they sink into a gutter,
crumpled and unreadable.
life is full of choices,
the future is never set in stone.
in my right hand, i hold a pen.
with my blank ink, i write out my own future.
and i draw beautiful images,
dreams in vivid color,
with the hope that maybe, some day, the images will jump off the paper
and into reality.
and my words, written carefully on the white sheets,
are only words, perhaps, for now.
but if i write these words enough times,
over and
over and
over again,
maybe they too will jump off the page.
but who's to know?
everyone in the world has a pen
and they too draw on your white pages.
sometimes they come and white-out your words,
with or without your permission,
and there's nothing you can do about it,
except maybe re-write it all.
sometimes a gust of wind will sweep your papers up and carry them far away.
you can chase them.
or you can watch them float in the air until they sink into a gutter,
crumpled and unreadable.
life is full of choices,
the future is never set in stone.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
you can try to hold back all you want
lips locked
fists clenched
eyes shut
you think you're a shut door - locked.
but i have the key.
and i can see through all of your windows.
there's no use in hiding behind false words.
there's no use in pretending.
open your eyes,
unclench your fists,
open your damn mouth
and realize.
accept, for once, the situation that you are in.
and deal with it.
because i know
and you know
what is right here
lips locked
fists clenched
eyes shut
you think you're a shut door - locked.
but i have the key.
and i can see through all of your windows.
there's no use in hiding behind false words.
there's no use in pretending.
open your eyes,
unclench your fists,
open your damn mouth
and realize.
accept, for once, the situation that you are in.
and deal with it.
because i know
and you know
what is right here
i remember.
i remember being a small child.
for a long time, i couldn't see out of car windows. i would struggle in my car seat to catch a glimpse, but i could only see the tops of trees passing by.
my brothers and i weren't allowed to eat junk food too often, but we did get mcdonalds every once in a while. i remember one time, my brother michael ate his entire cheeseburger before we even left the drive-thru.
i always had my own room, but i preferred to sleep with my mommy. i'd cuddle up right next to her and press my cold feet against her warm legs and she'd always hold me close. in the morning, she'd stretch her arms out and squeak, "oohh-mee-mee-mee-mee!" and it always made me laugh. i always thought that my mom was the prettiest woman in the whole world.
when i was about four or five years old, i had a really bad bladder infection. i remember crying all night and my parents talking about calling the doctor even though it was so late. my mom had to take me in to get treated and it was the scariest thing ever to me. one day i was feeling so terrible and my dad came home from work and gave me m&ms and glow-in-the-dark stars to put on my ceiling. for a long time after that, i would always want to eat m&ms when i was sick because it reminded me of how happy my dad had made me that day.
i dropped out of preschool because i didn't like taking naps. then i went to kindergarten and on the first day of school, i cried because my mom dropped me off at my classroom and i didn't want her to leave. almost every day that year, a fat boy named dakota would push me into the toy box and one of my best friends was a boy named indigo who had two mommies and no daddy. all of the kids in my class teased him about it, but both of his mommies were really nice so i thought it was okay.
when i went to that school, my classroom was connected to my brother charlie's classroom. you could look through a doorway and see into the other class. whenever i felt sad or frustrated, i would spy into charlie's class and find where he was sitting and just looking at my big brother would make me feel better.
my mom would pick me up every day at lunch time and i would always have a tuna sandwich and milk. on special days, i'd get pintos and cheese from taco bell.
when we moved to the country-side, i slept in what was the laundry room and the front entrance to the house. i was always scared at night because i was sure that a criminal would bust open the front door and steal me in the middle of the night. i always had irrational fears, i suppose.
we had horses. i'd feed them apples after school and i'd ride them on warm evenings. we'd ride down the street and around by the canal. one of the horses had a baby and i named it daisy. when daisy was still a baby, she accidently strangled herself on the fence. i remember being devastated.
i have a lot of fond memories of patterson. i went to my best friend catherine's house in the mornings before school. catherine and i would always want to be with each other - we'd watch rapunzel over and over, play with hula hoops and listen to the backstreet boys. we were best friends since the very beginning.
my brothers and i would ride our bikes up and down the street. sometimes we even rode in the rain, making figure eights through puddles.
in the summer time, i would sit on the warm sidewalk and drink jarritos.
sometimes we'd go to my grammy and grandpa's house. their kitchen always smelled like freshly brewed tea. my grammy had a room full of porcelain dolls and i always liked to look at them and gently touch the curls in their hair.
i took a few dance classes - irish, tap and ballet. one afternoon during tap class, i was gazing out of the windows of the dance studio and my instructor chanted, "one, two, three, four, rosie pay attention!"
one evening at irish dance class, i was partnered up with a boy who had a snotty nose. he wiped his snot with his bare hand and then held the same hand out to me so we could do our partner dance. i ran to my mom and begged her to let me leave early because i didn't want to touch him. in the end, i had to shut up and dance with snot-boy.
and getting older...
i went to lake berryessa every weekend. my family always tried to get me to water ski or go tubing behind the big blue boat but i always refused. i was afraid of fish.
one time, i worked up some courage and agreed to try to water ski. i got into the water and started strapping my feet into the skis and i grabbed the rope and bent my knees up, waiting for the boat engine to start up and take me on a ride. then my brothers started shouting, "oh my god, rosie! a huuuge fish just jumped out of the water behind you! i bet it's swimming under you right now! oh yeah, i see it! it's right behind you!" so i screamed and made my way back onto the boat as quickly as possible only to find out that my brothers were just messing with me and there was no fish near me.
summers were always so long. i would put ice cubes on my head and let them melt through my hair and drip down my neck. i tried to make a friend in my new neighborhood in hayward - it was a girl named meredith, i think. i went to her house once and the first thing she did was show me her garage. then she told me that when she was a baby, her mother killed herself in the garage. after that, i decided that i wasn't going back to meredith's house but she could come to mine whenever she wanted.
when i was in fifth grade, my uncle john passed away from cancer. one day when he was feeling really nauseous and sick from his chemotherapy, he told me and my brothers, "if i ever catch any of you smoking a cigarette, i will personally kill you before the cigarette can." he said that if he died first, he'd come back and haunt us. my uncle john was a strict man but i loved him very much. i was at his house the day he passed away and i was able to speak to him just moments before he passed. later that day, i was with my dad and we saw a coyote walking down a hill in the distance. at that moment, i felt in my heart that my uncle john was that coyote - it had to be some sort of sign. it was just so strange how the coyote stopped and stared back in our direction for a moment before it continued walking.
the next year i started middle school. i met some of my best friends at saint barnabas and i learned a lot about myself. mostly, i learned that other people's opinions about me didn't really matter.
right before i graduated eighth grade, a teacher told me that i was going to do poorly in high school and that i'd never succeed because i never took anything seriously. i laughed in her face because i knew that i could achieve anything i wanted to and that she was wrong.
and then, high school...
but that's a whole different story.
for a long time, i couldn't see out of car windows. i would struggle in my car seat to catch a glimpse, but i could only see the tops of trees passing by.
my brothers and i weren't allowed to eat junk food too often, but we did get mcdonalds every once in a while. i remember one time, my brother michael ate his entire cheeseburger before we even left the drive-thru.
i always had my own room, but i preferred to sleep with my mommy. i'd cuddle up right next to her and press my cold feet against her warm legs and she'd always hold me close. in the morning, she'd stretch her arms out and squeak, "oohh-mee-mee-mee-mee!" and it always made me laugh. i always thought that my mom was the prettiest woman in the whole world.
when i was about four or five years old, i had a really bad bladder infection. i remember crying all night and my parents talking about calling the doctor even though it was so late. my mom had to take me in to get treated and it was the scariest thing ever to me. one day i was feeling so terrible and my dad came home from work and gave me m&ms and glow-in-the-dark stars to put on my ceiling. for a long time after that, i would always want to eat m&ms when i was sick because it reminded me of how happy my dad had made me that day.
i dropped out of preschool because i didn't like taking naps. then i went to kindergarten and on the first day of school, i cried because my mom dropped me off at my classroom and i didn't want her to leave. almost every day that year, a fat boy named dakota would push me into the toy box and one of my best friends was a boy named indigo who had two mommies and no daddy. all of the kids in my class teased him about it, but both of his mommies were really nice so i thought it was okay.
when i went to that school, my classroom was connected to my brother charlie's classroom. you could look through a doorway and see into the other class. whenever i felt sad or frustrated, i would spy into charlie's class and find where he was sitting and just looking at my big brother would make me feel better.
my mom would pick me up every day at lunch time and i would always have a tuna sandwich and milk. on special days, i'd get pintos and cheese from taco bell.
when we moved to the country-side, i slept in what was the laundry room and the front entrance to the house. i was always scared at night because i was sure that a criminal would bust open the front door and steal me in the middle of the night. i always had irrational fears, i suppose.
we had horses. i'd feed them apples after school and i'd ride them on warm evenings. we'd ride down the street and around by the canal. one of the horses had a baby and i named it daisy. when daisy was still a baby, she accidently strangled herself on the fence. i remember being devastated.
i have a lot of fond memories of patterson. i went to my best friend catherine's house in the mornings before school. catherine and i would always want to be with each other - we'd watch rapunzel over and over, play with hula hoops and listen to the backstreet boys. we were best friends since the very beginning.
my brothers and i would ride our bikes up and down the street. sometimes we even rode in the rain, making figure eights through puddles.
in the summer time, i would sit on the warm sidewalk and drink jarritos.
sometimes we'd go to my grammy and grandpa's house. their kitchen always smelled like freshly brewed tea. my grammy had a room full of porcelain dolls and i always liked to look at them and gently touch the curls in their hair.
i took a few dance classes - irish, tap and ballet. one afternoon during tap class, i was gazing out of the windows of the dance studio and my instructor chanted, "one, two, three, four, rosie pay attention!"
one evening at irish dance class, i was partnered up with a boy who had a snotty nose. he wiped his snot with his bare hand and then held the same hand out to me so we could do our partner dance. i ran to my mom and begged her to let me leave early because i didn't want to touch him. in the end, i had to shut up and dance with snot-boy.
and getting older...
i went to lake berryessa every weekend. my family always tried to get me to water ski or go tubing behind the big blue boat but i always refused. i was afraid of fish.
one time, i worked up some courage and agreed to try to water ski. i got into the water and started strapping my feet into the skis and i grabbed the rope and bent my knees up, waiting for the boat engine to start up and take me on a ride. then my brothers started shouting, "oh my god, rosie! a huuuge fish just jumped out of the water behind you! i bet it's swimming under you right now! oh yeah, i see it! it's right behind you!" so i screamed and made my way back onto the boat as quickly as possible only to find out that my brothers were just messing with me and there was no fish near me.
summers were always so long. i would put ice cubes on my head and let them melt through my hair and drip down my neck. i tried to make a friend in my new neighborhood in hayward - it was a girl named meredith, i think. i went to her house once and the first thing she did was show me her garage. then she told me that when she was a baby, her mother killed herself in the garage. after that, i decided that i wasn't going back to meredith's house but she could come to mine whenever she wanted.
when i was in fifth grade, my uncle john passed away from cancer. one day when he was feeling really nauseous and sick from his chemotherapy, he told me and my brothers, "if i ever catch any of you smoking a cigarette, i will personally kill you before the cigarette can." he said that if he died first, he'd come back and haunt us. my uncle john was a strict man but i loved him very much. i was at his house the day he passed away and i was able to speak to him just moments before he passed. later that day, i was with my dad and we saw a coyote walking down a hill in the distance. at that moment, i felt in my heart that my uncle john was that coyote - it had to be some sort of sign. it was just so strange how the coyote stopped and stared back in our direction for a moment before it continued walking.
the next year i started middle school. i met some of my best friends at saint barnabas and i learned a lot about myself. mostly, i learned that other people's opinions about me didn't really matter.
right before i graduated eighth grade, a teacher told me that i was going to do poorly in high school and that i'd never succeed because i never took anything seriously. i laughed in her face because i knew that i could achieve anything i wanted to and that she was wrong.
and then, high school...
but that's a whole different story.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
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