omg christmas is in like...3 months. 90 something days? YES.
when i see things i want but cannot buy for myself, i say "i want that for christmas." but i forget to write it down/ask for it, so i never get it. so while a few things are fresh in my mind, i'm going to write them here...just so i can't lose the paper that they'd be on otherwise. lol. basically, this is a note to self. so...yeeeeah

-new digital camera
-pedometer
-exercise ball (a big, soft one to balance on instead of a chair)
-gift cards: safeway, trader joes, forever21, any gas station...

yeah, i don't know. i'd much rather get something useful that i'll actually use & like instead of some fuzzy sweater that i'll end up donating to goodwill.
i'll add more. i'm sure of it. looooool

even glue starts to peel away.

why is it so hard to let go?
holding on to memories alone
i know and you know
but you let go and i am torn.
how many times has this happened?
your life is stuck on repeat and you,
you never learn, do you?
and you shut your door in my face
slamming my fingers in the cracks.
how much longer will this go on?
i keep trying to reach out,
reach you.
and you keep moving away.
further and farther away.
i told you that i was here to stay
but i don't think i can promise you that anymore.
i can only do so much.
you can only help yourself
but you won't.
and i can't.
no one can, it seems.

the image of you
lying on your bed, feeling hopeless
haunts my head.
and i keep turning it away
because it is no longer my problem, but yours.

i wish you the best.
nothing less.
here you are at rock bottom
can you sink any lower?

i do hope you know how to swim.
because your life rafts have been deflated.
and you are on your own in this deep, endless ocean.