Tuesday, December 28, 2010

i don't have very many friends. i think i'm too awkward.

i really wish that i could go over to someones house and talk to them and just hang out. i have so much in common with so many people but everyone always seems to be on such different schedules.

if anyone is reading this and thinking the same things about themselves..maybe we should hang out.
early in the morning
as my heels hit the pavement,
the icy wind blows leaves across the sky,
and my hair across my eyes.
and the leaves are yellow,red,and green
but in the dark, they can't be seen.
only tiny silhouettes, floating by
shadows dance down the street
and i hear nothing but my own feet.

the town is sleeping, warm in their beds
while i march down the sidewalk, hood on my head
traffic lights flash but there are no cars to be stopped
the fog sinks down to every roof top.

and i think of you, warm and at rest
and i wish i could be home too, snuggled up to your chest.
but i'll come home soon,
four and a half hours past noon
and my heels will hit the pavement fast and hard,
until i'm at home, back in your arms.
in four days, it will be a new year. now is the time for making promises to yourself that you may or may not keep, depending on your level of dedication. i hardly ever keep my new years resolutions. for 2011, my resolutions are to live a healthy life and to go on more adventures. i should be able to keep those since they're so easy.

2010 was a pretty good year, although it was uneventful. at one point, i worked two jobs at the same time - three days a week (monday, wednesday and friday) were spent in Alameda City Hall's City Attorney's Office, where i was always stressed out of my mind and hating life. The other two days (tuesday and thursday) were spent at The Law Offices of Matthew Duncan, sitting behind a big desk listening to jazz and greeting clients. then i got my job at the Alameda Police Department, in the Records division and quit the other two jobs. I'm really happy here at the Police Department. every day is different and there are always interesting topics at hand. most days, you can hear loud conversations and laughter floating down the hallway and echoing off of the plain white walls. it's almost like a family here - everyone sort of looks out for eachother.

after i got my job at the police department, i started paying my rent with my dad's help. i pay $500, he pays $350. this takes a huge chunk of money out of each paycheck i get. i am, in a way, grateful to be so broke most of the time. having no money is beneficial to growing up, i think. it makes you use your head - you must think of ways to make more money outside of your job, you must budget very wisely, you must have fun without spending any money (sometimes this means no movies, no dinners out,no driving to your destination,no starbucks, etc). It sounds absolutely dreadful, but you start to value what you have when you don't have much. and to be honest, i can easily do without cable television,brand new clothes and fancy dinners. it only means that when you do get to spend a little money on yourself, it's really exciting and fun. it's all worth it. of course, i'd love to have more money in my pocket and maybe my income will increase in the new year, but we'll have to see. i'd really love to be able to pay for everything myself and not have to have my parents help me out all the time.

my babysitting business grew a lot this year. i used to have only one client, now i have about eight clients. i used to babysit twin girls but they frustrated me so much that i had to start declining jobs with them. other than that one family, i love every family i babysit for. the kids are so much fun to play with and most of the time, they hardly give me any trouble at all. it's amazing sometimes because i'll be sitting there planning out my budget and thinking, "goddamn, how am i going to afford food?" and then my cell phone will ring and i'll have a babysitting job. it really is a life saver sometimes.

catherine got married in february of this year. it was strange to see my best friend walking down the aisle. to think that we used to sit around all day watching rapunzel and pigging out on doritos and top ramen and running around our houses with such innocence and now we're all grown up. i'm happy i have her..we understand eachother like no one else in the world ever could.

in march, michael and i had our 4th anniversary. i still love him more than anything. in 2011, i hope that we can do more stuff outdoors..i want to take him horseback riding and i want to go hiking more, and maybe even go camping.

what else happened in 2010? i can't remember it all. this year went by so quickly.

the years seem to fly.