i haven't felt inspired to write in so long but today it seems that the words are just flowing out of me. what a fantastic feeling. i've missed this so much. sitting here, typing my thoughts as fast as i can, deleting entire line or paragraphs if i feel like it! please words, inspiration and thought, don't ever leave me again. i am begging you.


writing is like a natural and legal high.

i feel content this afternoon
as yesterdays water washes away with the tide
yet the old feelings remain, as fresh as bloody wounds
and the memories never did fade away

dark, cloudless nights haunt me
i had put myself in the closet and closed the door
the blue light shone upon my face
illuminating a smile, or tears, depending..

and in those days, i thought i knew
but i didn't
i wish i had but i couldn't
wrap my brain, or my fingers around
whatever that thing was
that i couldn't find in the first place

above my head and under my feet all at the same time
i trampled the very thing i was looking for
so unknowingly
so innocently
so ignortantly

regret has no meaning, so i do feel content
sometimes, though, i pause to imagine
what and where and who might i be
had i known? had i realized? had i acted on what i already actually knew?

lifes mystery will always be that
you will never know what could have been

i get a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach when i think about middle school.

that was seven years ago, or so.
where has the time gone, anyway?

by the time most children reach middle school age, they are evil little creatures. the elementary school playground has taught them that in order to stick up for yourself, you must put down someone else. and no, the children don't always realize what they're doing...but they're doing it. you're growing, your body is changing and you're frustrated and confused. life is coming at you fast and the small things seem gigantic. i was no exception. i was quite horrible to a number of people, and i didn't even mean to be. i just was. looking back on it, i see clearly what i did wrong. my words, dipped in ice, were stabbed into peoples chests like daggers. i spread rumors around like the goddamn plague. and i just can't believe how dumb i was. i couldn't even see the damage i was doing to myself and my peers. i made up horrid nicknames for my "friends" and laughed at them behind their backs. upon first meeting one of my best friends, jenny, i flipped her off because she told me i shouldn't wear nail polish to school, as it was against the rules. yeah, that's a great way to make new friends, rosie. great job! i can't believe it.

the positive part is that i did grow up and i realized what i did wrong. i have apologized to most of the people that i hurt.

it seems like yesterday. one day you're thirteen, the next you're twenty. jesus.

in that small cafe.
the park across the way.
the childrens carousel, the chestnut tree, the wishing well.


i'll be seeeeeing you.

it fills me with this rage.
it burns in the pit of my chest.
it radiates throughout my entire body
and where did it come from?

and why is it here?

and yes, it's silly
believe me, it is
but i can't explain it
or understand it, even.

because one moment, it's sunshine
and the next, raindrops
no clouds in the sky, but wet feet
sloshing inside of soaked shoes

and my words do no justice
to this feeling that i have
but i can try until maybe my words will crack the surface
like a hammer on ice

to reveal what lies beneath
what was buried long ago
in the folds of my flesh