i feel guilty. so so so guilty.

and nervous.

and nerves. nerves can kill. they seep into your bloodstream and cut the life out of every single organ in your body.

i mean, i'm doing nothing wrong. it's just... well, it's just bad timing. and it's out of my hands. but still, i feel like shit about it. and i want to put it off, but at the same time i just want to get it over with.

i have to do this.
i can do this.

holy shit.