"you are everything i want because you are everything i'm not."

i'm nineteen, right? please tell me that i'm still nineteen. i mean, my nineteenth birthday was just at the end of last month.
i heard the thoughts in my mind this morning and they weren't the thoughts of a nineteen year old.
i looked at the pleated black dress and low heels in my closet and they don't look like the clothes of a nineteen year old.
i looked at the pile of bills and dmv paperwork stacked on top of my microwave and it didn't seem like that pile should belong to a nineteen year old.

my mom says that she's proud of me. she thinks that it's a good thing that i'm living in my own apartment, buying my own groceries and paying my own bills. she thinks i'm more responsible than my peers.

i guess you could say that. i have a ton of responsibility. but one thing that many of my peers have that i don't is freedom. i chose this for myself though. i wanted this! and you know what, i have no regrets. moving into my apartment with michael two weeks before graduation was one of the best decisions i've ever made! it's great! really. because if it wasn't great, i wouldn't still be living here. i would have crawled back to my mom's house. but i didn't. i am an adult. and i can come and go as i please.

but here's the catch - i don't come and go as i please. and i should. i need to. i will start.

i won't let this summer pass by me. it's time to live. as always, the time is now.
being an adult can wait.