Friday, December 18, 2009

hope

catherine's dad had a heart attack this morning. he's still alive...i hope it stays that way for a good long time too. he's in the hospital right now. she called me this morning while i was at work to tell me. usually i don't answer my cell phone when i'm at work--i just text. because texting isn't quite so obvious, you know? anyways, for some reason i decided to answer the phone this time. & she sounded so devestated! well, obviously she was devestated. so i took a short break so i could talk to her about it all. i feel so bad. i hope she doesn't have to lose her daddy yet...that's so hard. when i lost scott, it was so so so fucking awful. i was in this dark, terrible, depressing, confusing place. i didn't know who to talk to..i didn't know who would understand. & i don't want catherine (or anyone) to have to feel like that.

death is scary. i'm not afraid to die though. what i am afraid of is losing the people i love and care about. because once they're gone, they're really gone. and you're left with memories until you meet again...if that's what happens.

no one reads this blog yet, i don't think...i haven't told anyone about it. but just in case anyone does, please keep catherine's dad in your positive thoughts & prayers, if you pray. let's hope that he recovers quickly and fully.

hope. i guess that's all we have sometimes.

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